Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to get It Laurie Mintz By (Book Review)

Hey everyone, I decided to share my review of  this book after realizing how important sexuality and being satisfied sexually is in polyamorous relationships because come on ya'll sex is going to happen unless all of your partners are asexual, and then again some sexy times might happen....
I wrote this review on a site called Goodreads.    This is my review from the site:

I’m going to praise this book despite the fact that I started out ever so naively thinking it was only geared for those who can’t have an orgasm. I was very naive to think that most women were having  orgasms and not having these problems with partners. For the most part it’s for women to learn and embrace their bodies enough to have an orgasm during partnered sex. The author, who’s a college professor that teaches the psychology of human sexuality did a wonderful job.  The book explains and shows why most women can’t orgasm from penis in vagina sex. It also goes into historically why women’s orgasms haven’t been valued. The fact of the matter is that male orgasms have always been valued. Not just valued but intercourse(penis in vagina sex) is solely seen as “sex” and the sequence of male thrusting is the end.  The author also was very inclusive of Lesbian women and their relationships even though most lesbians don’t deal with these problems she still emphasized the need for female partners to pay attention and communicate.  Becoming clitererate also discussed the other important C word...Communication. Communication is definitely necessary for both parties in discovering their needs and wants.  My only issue with this book that she made a whole section for men. The section literally said the same thing the rest of her books said. Why would men need a section when they can just read the book?  I also found these twelve commandments and thought they were important as well. The 12 Commandment for Orgasm Equality and Quality Sex Whenever I see lies about female sexuality being perpetuated, I will do my best to correct them and educate those around me. I will educate others about female anatomy and pleasure I will cease to use non-equality based sexual language. I will not use the word "sex" and "intercourse" synonymously, and I will not refer to clitoral stimulation as "foreplay". I will not use the word "vagina" to represent all of a woman's genitals. I will also do my best to correct others' language.  I will use the word "clitoris" and all it's variations openly and proudly in conversations. I will use the term "making a sexual debut" and define  this as a person's first orgasm with a sexual partner. I will not slut shame other women, and I will do my best to confront others who do. I will not tell jokes about penis size, and I will do my best to confront others who do. I will do my very best to love my body and appreciate it's amazing abilities, including it's capacity for sexual pleasure. I will continue to pleasure myself, and I will educate other women on the benefits of self love. I will take a pleasure-oriented rather than a goal-oriented, view of sex.  I will choose the type of sex I want to engage in, and whatever that is, I will use both my knowledge of myself and my communication skills to make it as satisfying as it can be, with the focus on an equitable giving and receiving of pleasure., Throughout my life, I will continue my erotic education, including seeking solutions to sexual problems as they arise.

What is a Partner?

Hey everyone, I've been pondering this topic and after an interesting conversation I want to examine how we define who is a partner.  I've used the term partner in the past to mean someone that I'm involved with. I guess you can say the concern and entanglement that comes along with it.

 My partners are people who I really care for on so many levels. They are people who I want to hear about what's going on with work, their friends and family and they're also people that I have sex and  intimacy with. They are the people who I've cried with, laughed with and shared myself with in very deep levels.    I don't call just anyone my partner and I don't get involved with people without thinking about their potential in my life.

I asked this question to members of my group of black non monogamous queers and received some very affirming yet different answers, Some of them included:

"I  typically use partner for people who i have long-term life entanglements with, and take them into account when making big decisions.

"I use partner for people I'm in a romantic relationship with"

"After negotiations. We have to physically sit down and agree and talk about anniversary expectations."

I've also called my favorite people my Boos and my Baes.  On a personal note their really wasn't a full on conversation as to WHEN we would start calling ourselves partners. It was more after several months of interactions both in person and on the phone.  But I constantly come back to the monogamist idea of needing those titles as a way to distinguish from just a friend or a close friend.   How do you define partners?