Where Should I begin..books on Polyamory

When I started my poly journey I wanted to read anything and everything about the subject. I didn't even know that there were so many books about polyamory or non-monogamy.  On a personal level books are very important for me. I'm naturally very curious and when I want to know something I look directly for a book on the topic. Growing up books were my way to learn about the world as well as a form of entertainment when I was bored and didn't want to watch t.v.

For people coming into this lovestyle, I recommend several books. As I've learned more about myself, I realized I prefer nonfiction books on the topic, even though I've read a few fiction books that show polyamory/non-monogamy in a good light.  Last year  I started writing reviews of books about Polyamory for Black & Poly online magazine. The title of this post is for those newbies who come into polyamory not knowing where to begin. They ask questions that could be answered within a book. I think to myself, Why would someone ask a question to a bunch of strangers when they could just find it out themselves? I guess that's how I think. I'm not very keen on getting advice from other people.

I now realize in certain situations it's good to hear other perspectives because you won't get all the answers from books. And of course there are the lived experiences that help us learn as well.  I simply champion for books on the subject simply because most mistakes that I see newbies doing can be fixed simply by reading a book or two on Polyamory. And when you read also you may learn a few things about yourself. I will admit that I am and can be very introspective, especially with a topic that I find interesting. Reading books on the subject has helped me learn how to process things such as jealousy, learn about compersion and also become better at listening and communicating overall.

So here's my list of books that I recommend everyone to read on polyamory:

1. More than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.  I consider this book the poly "bible"! It's one of the first books I recommend. It's full of advice on so many topics and the authors give their collective lived experiences as well.

2. The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton.

3.  The Game Changer:  A memoir of Disruptive Love by Franklin Veaux. You can read my review here

4. Love's Not Color Blind by Kevin Patterson. You can read my review here

5.  The Polyamorist Next Door by Elisabeth Sheff. You can read my review here

6. Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners by  Deborah Anapol

7. For Hire: Operator by Kevin Patterson and Alana Phelan

It's called ETHICAL polyamory for a reason..I'm not cheating with you!!!

Hey everyone! So I'm back and I have a few things to say. As you can see from the title of this blog post it's about the ethics of polyamory and people trying to get me to cheat with them. Of course that's a no go for me. On a personal level I've had several men assume that just because I identify as polyamorous that it's a free pass for sex.  Most of the culprits are men who I've had relationships with in the past. The relationships ended and we parted ways. Fast forward years later and they sneak back into my DM's or inbox of Facebook.

They never want to rekindle a romance it's always about sex. Being demisexual, I'm instantly turned off by that even though I've had sex with these individuals in the past. "Things change and so do people" is one of my favorite sayings. Their relationship status changed. They're monogamous (or so they say).  It's the late night texts or when their girlfriends are away that they want to "see" me again.
The ethical person in me is pissed. Dude, you signed up for monogamy and this woman trusts that you're faithful to her, I want to scream at them.

I refuse to participate in his cheating. What type of person would I be, I ask myself. I wouldn't want anyone to do this to me, I think. I think back to my monogamous days and the thought of my partner cheating on me made me mad and sad. I couldn't be that woman. That women who only thinks of herself and not the consequences of my actions. The actions that may hurt someone else in the process.    Ethical non monogamy is defined as all parties are being treated respectfully, and that enthusiastic consent to the arrangement has been given by everyone involved.  With that being said I refuse to cheat with you!!! Don't mistake my polyamory as a scapegoat for you to fuck around on your wife or girlfriend. 

I'm out and I'm PROUD!!!!

I recently saw a few posts about being "out"and how it affects you and your partners and your overall life as a poly person.  I've always felt like it was a revolutionary act to live and speak your truth without worrying about society and how they think you should live.

I came out as a bisexual women at 21 years old. Of course then I  was young and naive and scared to tell my family about my new girlfriend. At that time I considered myself monogamous, but I secretly wished for a boyfriend or some type male energy to "balance" me.  Of course at this time I felt like I someone needed to balance me, but in truth I was really just polyamorous.

I told my family who my girlfriend was because I was simply tried of lying. Tired of lying that this person had came in my life and I loved her.  You can only tell people that this person that you're spending so much of your intimate time with is simply your "friend".

Now fast forward till the present day, I post articles and pictures showing my support for my LGBTQ identity. I want to show the larger society (through social media) that being bisexual is normal. Normalizing any other type of lifestyle other than being a white straight Anglo-Saxon is a proverbial slap in the face to society.  Being out and proud about all my identities is a silent protest that I and others who are out to the world do on a daily basis.

Once I saw that post in the group it had me really thinking about why being out coming out and staying out is important. I know people have their reasons why they can't be out. I know most of the time people have worries regarding their jobs, or if they have children.they worry about them being taken from them by people who may deem them unfit because they go against society.  I'm very lucky because I don't have those worries or concerns. I'm very lucky also because the people who I love accept me for me and not for my lovestyle choices.  My sexuality and my lovestyle choices are very small parts of who I am overall as a women living in the U.S.

I'm simply out because I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of those who I love and those who I've loved in the past. I also don't live my life for others. My life and my journey is simply mines to live the way I see fit. I'm a PROUD poly bisexual black woman!!!!