Hey everyone so today I wanted to talk about dating and also let you know about a few things that I'm doing and involved in. Okay, so most people don't know that i'm also apart of another "alternative" lifestyle other than polyamory. I touched briefly on me being into BDSM but I never elaborated on it. Long story short I've been involved in this "lifestyle" off and on for about 6 years. I've always identified as a submissive and 95% of my poly relationships have been D/s (Dominant/submissive) based. Polyamory within a D/s aspect is very different, mostly it's hierarchical. Normally, I'm very against a hierarchy or relationships that are closed but when I've entered into this type of relationship those things are established already. If you want to learn more about BDSM and polyamory take a look at this article that I wrote detailing it on Black & Poly's online magazine.
BDSM and Polyamory
I live in the Midwest, specifically Ohio, and the dating prospects are slim. Most people don't know what polyamory even is let alone, ethical non-monogamy. It's been very hard for me to date and connect with people locally. I know it's because most black people in my area don't identify as polyamorous and even if they did they wouldn't ever tell anyone that they are. It's pretty sad because there are others who are seeking connections with life minded folks in their area. So since I've had this problem with finding people in my local area, most of my relationships have been long distance. Having long distance relationships can be kind of hard if you're not used to them. Also, if your love language is physical touch it may be difficult too. If you have a local love and an LDR then it may be easier for you as it was for me last year when I was involved with someone locally. I have a long distance relationship with a wonderful man.
Polyamory is always confused with swinging or cheating with a fancy name. It is NONE of that. In fact there are a few things that separates cheating from swinging and swinging from polyamory. The first is ethics. Polyamory is always grounded in ethics in my opinion, most importantly ethical non monogamy. What's ethical non-mongamy you may say? Well, ethical non monogamy can be defined as consciously agreeing with consent from all parties involved that you will explore love and sex with other people. In a nutshell, it means everyone knows about one another and everyone has agreed to explore sex and love with other people.
My needs as far as dating and connecting with people have changed. I prefer to let things happen in a more organic matter, meaning I normally don't look for people to date. I just interact with people who I may be interested in if there is a connection then I go with that. In the past I sought out those into BDSM, primarily those who identified as Dominants to be in relationships with. A few months ago I decided to put that aspect of my life on hold and just seek "vanilla" partners for now on. I'll definitely be talking about that more later on.
