Wednesday, September 22, 2021

UNCOVER(ED)

 Hey, ya'll I have an exciting interview today with the creator of the new game for folks that are discovering consensual non-monogamy.  UNCOVER(ED) is the creation of Kimmy J. who is CNM(consensual non monogamists) Lesbian, pronouns she/her/hers with over 13 years of experience practicing parallel consensual nonmonogamy. She's originally from San Diego, California and she currently owns two companies within the healthcare space. 

J:  Kimmy! Can you tell me about the project and how it got started?

K: Yes! It started just this year. I noticed that a lot of people were interested in exploring consensual non-monogamy, some even opening/changing their current relationships without any real understanding of what they were looking for outside of just having more relationships. People were getting hurt, ended up being confused about their needs, felt inadequate in their own relationships, and so much more. And it was simply because they didn't know what questions to ask themselves and their partners while making a huge change. I wanted to bridge the gap and hopefully help people ask the right questions to fully understand what their intentions are while being non-monogamous.

J: Who do you hope to reach once it's complete? Are you marketing UNCOVER(ED) to a specific group?

K: I hope to reach those who are either CNM already or those who are looking into it. I would even recommend mono people give them a try because it will make them think about how they are showing up in their relationships, and how to communicate their individual needs. 

J: Awesome! When is the release date and how can we purchase the game?

K: UNCOVER(ED) is rolling out fully on October 1st. People can follow the Instagram page @uncoveredpoly. My goal and mission with this are to hopefully get enough orders to lower the price down to be able to donate a portion of the revenue to support podcasts, influencers, literature, and media that promote and benefit healthy CNM communities. I'll be taking preorders starting September 21st.  You can purchase the game on the website Uncovered Polyamory, Amazon, and Etsy stores.

J: Thanks so much for sharing this exciting project with me Kimmy!

    






Sunday, August 1, 2021

Book Review: Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator:Uncommon Love and Life

 


Hello everyone! I'm back with a review of Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life by Amy Gahran.   Stepping off the Relationship Escalator came about when the author posted an online survey about unconventional relationships and 1,500 people participated.  First off  1,500 participants!!!! That's a really large amount of people when it comes to any particular study on unconventional relationships or nonmonogamy in general.   I'd also like to point out that this author is a polyamorous person.  Whenever I read books on any type of relationship style, I really want the author to have some real-life experience with the subject matter because it adds authenticity. I've read books on polyamory by people who did "research" and it didn't seem credible. 

I'm not exactly sure why I purchased the book but I knew I wanted to read another book about polyamory and post a review. I probably looked at my "to be read" list on Goodreads and thought it would be a great idea. I ended up purchasing the book and once I received it I was surprised at how many pages it is. For some folks page numbers matter.  The book information says it's 308 pages but technically the actual book ends at 282. The remaining portion of the book is a section where she cited things that were mentioned in the book and also a section that has a glossary of terms.

My initial thoughts:  Even before I purchased the book I thought the book was about how to step off the relationship escalator in polyam relationships.  Once I got the book and started reading it I understood that the book is actually for those who are monogamous and are thinking about "stepping off the relationship escalator".  I was slightly disappointed and almost put the book down because I said to myself this doesn't apply to me at all. The more I read it became clear that I would learn and get something out of this book and I did.

 The author defines the relationship escalator as : "The default bundle of societal expectations for intimate relationships. Partners follow a progressive set of steps, each with visible milestones and markers, toward a clear goal".   

Everything I loved about this book:

  1. The author Amy Gahran is a polyam woman 
  2. The author uses some participants specific comments in every chapter of  the book
  3. The book has so many topics that most books don't even touch on such as long-distance love, asexual and aromantic relationships, hierarchy, and breakups.
  4. Discussion questions at the end of the chapter 
Overall I'm seriously impressed by the work that was done in this book. I recommend the book to anyone that is considering nonmonoamy, this is sure to be a great resource. 






Saturday, May 8, 2021

Changing The Narrative: Black polyamorous Women


 


As a black polyamorous woman, I've always wanted to change the narrative.  Change the narrative about how the world sees us as a whole.  When Polyamory is shown in the media as a "white thing" a millennial thing" or you'll see only triads represented when in fact all races are polyamorous or are engaging in consensual ethical non-monogamy in some sort of fashion.  The idea of this book came to me when I thought about all the books I've read and reviewed and how they are all written by white people. Now that's not a problem but representation matters. People of color want to see positive aspects of this lovestyle.  My goal is to always reduce the stigma behind anything people consider an "alternative" lifestyle or way of living.  My friend and I have come up with the premise of the book as a way to showcase who we are and to let the world know that we exist and we love but we love more than one person at a time. 

To participate in this book, please fill out this  Form

Saturday, April 24, 2021

Thoughts on Misogny and Patriarchy in the Polyam Community & Updates

 

Hey everyone! Sorry for the lengthy absence. I started a new job recently and it's just been hectic trying to find time to write and post. I also halted reading a few of the books I'm supposed to be reviewing for ya'll. 

One of the reasons why I've decided to halt a few of the books is because they're extremely boring as well as extremely white.  I don't have issues with white people or their stories regarding polyamory but I do have issues with this being the only narrative that's out there for people.  Coming into polyamory as a person of color has a very different look as well as feel. Being a person of color we're going to always face stereotypes from our community as well as white people.  I thought about the fact that we still lack proper representation when it comes to black stories surrounding polyamory/nonmonogamy.   I also thought about how the perception of polyamory is being a thing only men want and women are just helpless bystanders going along to keep the man.  

The idea of a book highlighting stories of black polyamorous women became a tiny spark.  Initially, I wanted to write a book that highlighted stories from black women and men, then I thought about a large amount of misogyny and patriarchal thinking within the community.   Yes, I thought people who are considered free-thinking surely must not subscribe to the societal views that a woman or femme presenting person's body and sexuality belongs to her.  I thought that male-identified individuals within this community don't assume that I as a solo-poly woman I'm a hoe or that I'm sleeping with everyone.  

There's another movement within the community of polygynous males that feel that entitlement to numerous women who will all cook, clean, raise the children, and give him unlimited access to their bodies for his sexual desires while he gives what? Protection? His manhood? Financial stability?   I've seen this attitude and thinking across several social media platforms and in groups that are open to polyamory.  To be brutally honest I don't consider polygyny or polygamy anything close to polyamory. Others will disagree and I think that's only because of the "poly" root word.  I may possibly go deeper into my feelings on this topic at a later date. 

So my question is how do we as a community actively remove these thoughts and behaviors in our community?  


Saturday, February 20, 2021

Book Review: Polysecure: Attachment Trauma and Consensual NonMonogamy

 

I took a few days to fully process Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual NonMonogamy by Jessica Fern who is a polyamorous psychotherapist. It was very important to me that that the author is a polyamorous person and not just a person doing research with poly people. I appreciate the research being done, however someone who is actually living and learning as a polyamorous person holds more weight with me as a reader when discussing this particular topic. There have been several people who've written books on polyamory polyamorous that aren't even ethically non-monogamous and that just seems all wrong to me.

I stumbled across this book as I was searching for nonfiction books to read on Hoopla and the title immediately hit me. I read Polysecure for several reasons. The first reason is that I've been working on attachment and trauma in my personal therapy sessions. I also decided to read it because I wanted to understand how attachment therapy coincides with how I deal with my relationships. One of the aspects of the book that I like is it's written in a way that even a monogamous person can learn and use the concepts presented in the book.

As a matter a fact, the first part of the book strictly discusses attachment and the trauma response . The author discusses in detail about the several types of attachment theory and how we develop it during infancy and how that secure attachment or insecure attachment can affect your relationships going forward into adulthood. Polysecure expands our understanding of how our emotional experiences can influence our relationships, with an emphasis on our poly relationships. Now, that I've read the book I will be reading books that discuss attachment and trauma. I plan on purchasing a copy for myself and my partner. 




Sunday, January 31, 2021

Happy 2021!!! What Next?

 


Hey everyone!, 

It's been a few months since I've written in the blog.  I definitely got caught up with life and the holiday season.  The planned post for  December never happened unfortunately.  One of my goals was to talk about the year and  do an end of the year type post.  I also normally write goals for my poly life and the blog. 

I feel like 2020 was just a crazy time for us all and I really don't want to take any more time to relive it so I'll speed right along and talk about some of my goals for the new year.   Immediately one of the goals that I thought of was to read and write more books on polyamory to review for the blog.  If you've been following the blog you know that I love reading anything that discusses polyamory or ethical non-monogamy.  A few of the titles that I've been reading and plan on reviewing soon are Polysecure: Attachment,Trauma and Nonmonogamy , Poly Land: My brutally honest adventures in polyamory and Polyamorous Love Letters.

On a more  personal note, one of my goal is to develop more intimate relationships with my partners through a cool game I found on social media called The Intimacy Deck by BestSelf Couple Card Game.  I've played the game during our video dates and it has made a big difference in learning things about my partner that I never knew. There are six different prompts that will spark up silly, inciteful or steamy conversations.  I plan on using it to get to know any of my new partners and will use it as an icebreaker. If you're interested in the game I suggest you Google it and purchase it from the retailer of your choice. 




Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Polyamorous Poetry

 


Hey everyone! Long time no see. Most of you don't know that I'm a writer.  I really love writing short stories but I also enjoy writing poetry when the mood hits.  I wrote a short story involving polyamorous characters a few years ago but it was never published in the anthology that it was going to be in.  I'm considering posting it to my blog for you guys. If you'd like to read it please leave a comment and I'll post. it.  The short story isn't what this post is about however, sorry to go off on a tangent lol.   

I want to post a poem that I wrote recently called "Comet".  The definition of a comet in the polyamorous community means " A person that passes through your life repeatedly who is intense and awesome, and when gone you are still in contact with that person in some way, but they are not a continuous partner.” 

Last week I thought about a few of my past relationships and I realize that they were/are comets. I wrote this poem shortly after that. 


   Comet

I'm coming in hot and fast

Speeding towards you when

I can fly by your part of the country.

But I don't want to only come

around once in awhile.

I want to be your star in the night sky.

I want you to see me constantly.

I don't want to be your comet

Only encountering you once

in awhile.

When I crash to your part of

the earth, it's heat.

Non-stop fire between us.

Dazzling and beautiful 

we crash into each other like

Star crossed lovers...my Comet

I blaze into your atmosphere......

I remain hot because you ignite a flame in me so hot that

I burn bright until I see you 

again...my comet.