Boundaries within relationships

I've thought long and hard about what this means in relationships, mainly poly relationships. Boundaries are necessary and needed of course in any type of relationship. You have to"draw the line" somewhere. Some things are acceptable and others really aren't.  Last month's Black & Poly meet-up was on the topic, however we didn't get a chance to really discuss the topic in depth.

I thought of the topic at the prior meet-up when one of the group participants said something and I said well would it be a boundary to ask your partner not to have sex in the bed you share? He said no that is an actual rule. I thought to myself what???!! How is that a rule when it's a clear boundary in a relationship? We had a discussion about it further and then I just so happened to start reading the chapter in More than Two, that defined boundaries concern your self: what you are alone, and others may access only with your permission.   But we can divide personal boundaries into two rough categories: physical(your body, your sexuality) and mental(your intimacy, your emotions, your affections)  " Genuine boundaries recognize that others make their own choices, and we do not have the right (or ability) to control their choices.

On a personal level I realized I had to reevaluate where my boundaries lay with all my relationships and also set new boundaries with partners who I had previously had a different type of relationship( i.e. BDSM) More Than Two gives examples of boundaries as:

• I will not be involved with someone who is not open and honest with all other partners about dating me.
• I will not have unbarriered sex with partners whose sexual behavior does not fall within my level of acceptable sexual health risk.
• I will not become involved with someone who is not already committed to polyamory.
• I will not remain in a relationship with a partner who threatens me or uses violence.
• I will choose the level of closeness I want with my partners' other partners, subject to their consent. 

As a solo poly person I haven't had to state my boundaries to my partners but I know that there should be constant talks surrounding our own boundaries and what we will do and what we will accept.  We all must remember that boundaries in any type of relationship are necessary to maintain our own personal autonomy and self respect.