Breaking up

Breaking up is really hard to do.  I've sadly had to break up with a partner and I've also been broken up with so I can understand both sides of the coin. In a perfect world, or in my mind, relationships wouldn't end and people would work out their problems and differences but we don't live in a perfect world. Sigh 

This past year I had two relationships that ended for varying reasons. Time constraints and needing and wanting other things were a few of the major reasons.  And to be honest when those relationships ended  I was in emotional pain. I mourned the loss of those relationships. I mourned the loss of the things we had shared and the possibilities for the future as well as the loss of that person in my life.  I don't feel like there's enough talk within the poly community surrounding breakups and the loss of relationships.   I don't think most people realize just how hard it can be. I know people think just because you have more than one partner losing one isn't going to affect you but it definitely does! 

  I've had to pretend like I'm okay after a break up when in fact I'm not. I'm seriously hurting. I've had to "put on a brave face" to mask my hurt.   My other partners know and try to help me work through it as best they can but sadly, it's a situation that you have to work through by yourself.   I just want to shoutout my partners (and everyone else's partners) who've been there during and after a breakup. You guys are the real MVP's!!! Thank you so much.   I want to thank my partners M and V for both talking to me and hearing me out during the tough times and just being supportive.  Thanks for being there while I cried on the phone with you. Thanks for being there when I texted you trying to figure things out. I'm grateful, so very grateful for you two.    I wrote an article for Black & Poly magazine last year the first time I experienced a poly break up. If you want to read it here's
the link

Last year when I wrote the article I was operating out of pain and experiencing those raw emotions first hand.  I didn't even know what to do or how to process everything that was going on.  Instead of experiencing and feeling, I tried to ignore my feelings until I received a comment and some great advice.    I was simply told to feel and experience all the emotions and not to hold them in. That comment was extremely profound. So I took the advice and processed those feelings surrounding the breakup. By doing so it helped me understand the relationships and the motivations surrounding the breakups.    Have you experienced a poly breakup? How did you heal from it? Are you still healing and if you are how has the process been?