I initially was skeptical to start this book even though I heard the author discuss it on one of my favorite podcasts, Polyamory Weekly. Then years later I found for free at my local library both as an eBook and audio book, I started reading it as an E-book but found that it was easier to listen to it during the day at work. Normally I like the voice of the person reading the book, but I'm not sure how I felt about the person who read this book.
She read it like she was reading a steamy sex novel and not a nonfiction book about non monogamy and alternative lifestyles. I was slightly irked.
My main pet peeves about this book are that I feel like the title is a misnomer. The title makes it seems that this book is geared towards women looking to get into polyamory when in fact that's not it. I was highly disappointed when I found that out as I read further. The book is for newbies and those looking to open their relationship up however. Also a passage in the book seemed more "tone policing" in my opinion. The author said she started a "Just Be Nice" campaign in regards to disagreements or conflicts with partners.
The "Just Be Nice" campaign basically is being nice no matter how you're feeling in your relationship for 90 days.
I was shaking my head and thinking the whole time while reading this. Just ignore your feelings and put on a fake smile and be nice? That's not a healthy way of communicating and it's pretty passive aggressive. I think I'd be upset if one of my partners put on a fact smile no matter how they were feeling then months later tells me how mad I'd made them or how hurt they were by my comments.
What Did I like about the book?
I liked that the book had exercises at the end of the chapter pertaining to the topic that you can work through on your own. Most books have separate workbooks that you have to purchase to be able to even work through all the topics that you might want to revisit and spend time processing. I also liked that the author included the LGBTQ community and POC in the conversation. I'm definitely for inclusion.
All in all I was pretty disappointed in the book. I wouldn't recommend it a person trying to get into polyamory at all.
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