Polyamory and Jealousy: A More than Two Essential Guide

Hey everyone! I'm back with another book review.  Let me just say how excited I was to find this through my local library. I use an app called Hoopla which is available for residents to take out e-books, audio books, movies etc.  Generally trying to find anything that's not mainstream or alternative relationships is difficult so shout out to them.

Okay, let's get on with this awesome book.  Polyamory and Jealousy: A more than Two Essential Guide by Eve Rickert is basically an additional short guide about jealousy in polyamory and how to manage it. It's a companion to, More than Two. I sing  More than Two's praises and I feel like it's one of the first books that someone interested in polyamory or non-monogamy should read.  More than Two has extensive chapters on issues that come up like jealousy but because so many people who read it  had much more questions and the author wanted to be able to give more personal examples and more tips and tricks and this was how this 200 page guide came about.

On a personal level, I don't struggle with jealousy often.  I have had situations that made me feel jealous but after truly reading More than Two and processing reasons WHY I felt jealous in those situations things made more sense. Now when I feel that inkling, I take a step back and reevaluate what's going on.

Jealousy is a shape-shifter, it masquerades as other emotions.  Some of these emotions may be:

• fear
• loneliness
• loss
• sadness
• anger
• betrayal
• envy
• humiliation 
•  

I'd like to share a few of the quotes from the book that truly hit home for me:

"There is a difference between jealous feelings and jealous actions......The actions we take are OUR responsibility."

"Jealous feelings come from a sense of loss, or fear of it."

"Jealous actions are usually attempts to take back control over the feelings we're afraid of."

" Jealousy undermines intimacy by telling your partner that you don't trust him/her"

"When we feel that we have lost control over our own lives, we often try to take it back by controlling others."

" Sometimes jealousy triggers come as a complete surprise, which is why trying to prevent your partners from doing things that trigger jealousy doesn't work." 

The guide also gave us a  few strategies for dealing with jealousy, they are as follows:

Step 1# Accept the feelings

Step 2# Ask for Support

Step 3# Separate triggers from causes

Step 4# Understand the feelings

Step 5# Talk about it

I ended up learning more about jealousy and even seeing myself and my partners in these examples. Of course every topic that was discussed can be a separate chapter and can be discussed more thoroughly. Jealousy within polyamory has always been an issue. It takes a considerable amount of work to truly work through these feelings.    How do you deal with jealousy in your relationship(s)? Do you work through it? Do you feel like this guide will help you?