What Polyamory WON'T fix......

I saw this meme and I knew I needed to write a post about it.  I know that there's people out here who have tried to use polyamory for several reasons. I've heard examples of using it to spice up their marriage,to date without feelings or because they have a broken heart etc.  But this meme say so much about how people view polyamory overall.  People don't view polyamory as valid.  I had to sit and really mentally chew on this because I see so many examples of newbies and people who want to "try" polyamory without doing work on self  FIRST.  News Flash: It's not a relationship band-aid! And it's not a personal band-aid to place over a broken heart.

Polyamory has been a personal journey for me. Within the last 6 years I've had to grow and learn and unlearn so much bullshit that I've been taught by family and society surrounding relationships, love and commitment.   I try to tell anyone who's interested in polyamory/non monogamy that they should  first start with examining the reasoning behind wanting to explore polyamory. Because for some people they believe that polyamory will fix some or all of these issues in their lives. Polyamory will not only highlight your issues but it will push them to the forefront and in your face, sometimes with serious consequences.  Here's my personal take on it all :


Unhappiness- Let me tell you something baby,polyamory can't fix you or any of your problems within yourself or your partner. If you're having relationship issues and either one of you decide to bring a third into the relationship for "fun" a.k.a sex, it will end up in disaster.

Emptiness- More people will never make you feel complete!!!  Multiple relationships require you to be present and it requires more work.  If you're ultimately unhappy with yourself, how will you have a happy positive experience with multiple people?

Limits- Personally I had to learn my limitations. I'm big on energy and connecting with like minded dope ass people but polyamory made me examine my limits on how many relationships I could sustain in a healthy manner.

Breakups- For anyone who's read my blog knows I've dealt with breakups. Polyamory doesn't stop break ups and it definitely doesn't the pain surrounding them.

Cheating and Lying- Hmm, I haven't had any personal instances of this situation but I can say if someone has made an agreement with a partner or partners and they change their mind and they go against the agreement and once confronted they lie about it, the lies definitely can and will damage the relationship. Lies hurt any type of relationship.

Jealousy-  I hear so many people say I can't be polyamorous because I'm jealous or Do you ever feel jealous?  To be honest jealousy can still be present while you're in polyamorous relationships.  Polyamory doesn't change how you feel or how you process emotions. I've learned how to process jealousy and the feelings that mask it. It does take a lot of self work.

Abuse- Abuse can and does happen in unhealthy relationships and being poly doesn't fix it. It can be verbal, mental and even sexual abuse.  I've said this so many times to myself and others, being poly doesn't change people. Unhealthy behaviors doesn't stop just because you've decided that you want to have more than one partner.

Loneliness- Last but not least loneliness. Adding multiple people and being in multiple relationships are a temporary fix for loneliness. At the end of the day you will still have to go back home or they will go home and then what? Back at square one.  Polyamory won't fix this issue but it may highlight the why behind feeling this way.  Therapy and some self examination only fixes this and all the other issues that are highlighted here.