My Evolution

I have evolved. I've realized it over the last few months. I've been having conversations with a few of my good friends about how my thinking has evolved surrounding polyamory and my overall journey.
When I first came into this lovestyle I only thought in terms of who would be a potential partner. I'd reject people that only wanted sex or only had time for a sexual relationship.  But, a few years ago I would accept that, then last year I recognized that I was demisexual.  Once I came to terms that I'm demi, I looked back and thought about the people who I didn't want to talk to or engage with because we hadn't formed a mental connection first. A mental connection for me is absolutely necessary when I deal with people. I prefer serious conversations as opposed to small talk.  I mean small talk is okay if I'm waiting on my coffee in line somewhere but with people who I will possibly share my bed and life with we have to connect on issues and we have to be on some sort of common ground.

I really thought it was me being sapiosexual, which I guess is another term people use for a mental connection. I know some people believe it's  totally a b.s. term because it's only used for people with book smarts but ,I truly prefer people who learn any way, whether it's books, articles, podcasts, documentaries and life.  I don't connect intelligence with books at all.  So with that being said,  I normally looked for people who I had conversations with and who I felt that there was a mental connection somewhere.  I felt anyone who only wanted a sexual relationship with me was using me and my body.  I don't take being used lightly, so needless to say I stopped dealing with those individuals.

Last week I was having a conversation with a friend regarding two gentlemen she liked and was involved with. She explained in so many words that she wanted to cuddle and do non-kinky things with one person as opposed to doing only sexual things with him all the time. As a friend I told her that this person may not have the capacity to do those things she wanted  him to do, them BOOM my advice hit me.

I started to think about my own experiences recently and people who I wanted more from. Men who I thought would and should be potential partners but who in fact didn't have the capacity to love me or play that role in my life.  After we talked  it made sense to both of us.  I was slightly sad and disappointed  that I removed a few of those people out of my life because they didn't fit into my mold of a potential.  I had to realize that no, everyone is not a potential partner. Everyone will not be dating material or even a cuddle buddy.    I've recently made a connection with someone who I really like.  I like our energy and conversations.   I ask myself all the time will he be a partner? Will he be a FWB or a comet? Does he want to date me? 

 I've always said I prefer relationships that are organic and that develop which ever way they develop but I realize now that I really wasn't trusting the process or my instincts on letting this relationship develop into whatever it may become. 

As I write this now I feel good knowing that every one won't be a potential partner and that's okay. People come into our lives for specific reasons and I'm here for it all.