Solo Polyamory

I didn't come into polyamory as part of a couple. Most of the people who start their journey starts as a typical married couple or a couple in a long term relationship. That's the norm for the most part within the community.   The simplest definition of what solo polyamory is taken from the solopoly.net website :  "we generally do not have intimate relationships (or are heading toward) primary-style merging of life infrastructure or identity along the lines of the traditional social relationship escalator. For instance, we generally don't share a home or finances with any intimate partners.
Similarly, solo poly people generally don't identify very strongly as part of a couple(or triad etc.); we prefer to operate and present ourselves as individuals.

When I learned about this term immediately I  identified with it. I definitely identified with all of those things but the last sentence about preferring to operate and present myself as an individual is the most important aspect of solo polyamory for me.  I think aspects of monogamy and breaking the chains of mono culture and what it truly means to be polyamorous lies in my individuality.  Don't get me wrong being in a couple and being poly is great for some people, just not for me. Monogamy and what's taught to us in society is that you're not a whole full person unless you're paired up and or married.  Marriage is the ultimate goal, especially if you're a woman. We are conditioned to believe that is our ultimate goal in life as well as being a mother.

I believe of course this is the wrong narrative for some of us. I am a mother and have cohabited with  a few of my previous partners while I was monogamous and once when we decided to open up our existing relationship,but at this point I have zero desire to do so. For the most part it's because I like my own space and my own private time. I've also never was on board with mixing finances, even when in my past relationships. It was a serious hard limit for me as a parent to young children. My sons came first and I couldn't afford to lose everything because someone else had misused our funds.  Now that my children are adults I don't have the worries but I still don't desire to mix my life with another person. 

If you want to read more about soly polyamory here are a few articles for you to read: I've also linked another blog of a cool person who I know that identifies as solopoly and writes a blog about it. So check out her blog here

Psychology Today

Solo Poly Net

7-signs-you're solo poly