The article pointed out that emotional intimacy in a new relationship doesn't happen overnight. Now I'm sitting here saying Duh to myself because this is very obvious,but my impatience has said otherwise.
One thing that this article brought to my attention about myself is that I need to work on my patience. I've been told this by one of my partners before. She says that I rushed most of the time and I've rushed her before. I've rushed her to feel things that I've felt but she didn't feel these feelings yet.
I won't blame society for my constant need for gratification but I was seriously trying to put some of my relationships in a "life microwave". I just wanted to heat them up in a few seconds and instantly have this hot,steamy intimate relationship that leaves me awestruck and floating on Cloud 9 constantly. No, that isn't how it works!!! I'm screaming to myself now as I write this post.
"True intimacy must be built with patience and mortar brick by brick to lay a solid foundation",the author highlights this as well.
Also the author says " Emotional intimacy requires a deep level of trust".
Being able to trust each other has been one thing I've had to learn as well. I also had to learn that all of my partners won't trust me as fast as I trust them and vice versa.
I feel slightly embarrassed because I should know this. But I also have to realize life is all about learning and becoming a better person. I'm constantly learning and unlearning certain things about myself. A few of those things has to do with love and relationships.
Looking back over this past year I've evolved significantly. I've evolved in understanding who I am as a Queer women, why I currently identify as such as well as how polyamory and kink fit into my life.
It's been a slight roller coaster of sorts but I'm grateful for the growth. I truly am.
Intimacy requires time and patience when emotions are involved simply because everyone has different backgrounds, life stories, experiences that have led them to have the type of emotions they have. With some, it may not take long to acquire feelings. With others, it may take some time and it is simply about respecting emotional boundaries, and like you've said, being patient. To be fair, society has shown images of romance and implanted in our brains what intimacy should look like and the time frame it should take place. Romance has been romanticized, in a sense, and some even argue that it doesn't really exist. What's romantic is taking the time to grow in love with someone and having them give the same in return, authentically. It's a beautiful experience. Besides, what's the rush, right?
ReplyDeleteIt's a great thing that you recognized the area that needed improvement and took heed to the advice that was given to you, as well as the information you read online. Good start.
-Professor Tip